Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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