i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
