Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
