nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
