sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i was born a porn star she said
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
