I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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