i just google imaged poop.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
