ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
