Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
