I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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