Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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