I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
