i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
