Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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