just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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