Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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