don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We are two peas in an std pod
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize