her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
