I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We don't watch enough power rangers
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
