so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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