you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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