remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
