What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
