Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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