Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
