why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
