I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
