Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
