fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I have demons in me.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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