his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
