THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
