fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
