I love black thongs
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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