She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
