I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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