My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize