thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
