Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
