please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
