you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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