Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
