Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
