i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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