Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
