Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
