He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
