He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
