I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
how does that bad decision feel?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize