4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
