so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
