some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
