Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
