What a fucking waste of an outfit
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
