True but thats because hes a fetus.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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