Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
