I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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