I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Drake has all the answers
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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