We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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