I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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