I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
