last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
