Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
