it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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