He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
