woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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