sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
