He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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