Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
