Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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