Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
