It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
