so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
