His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's rum buckets o'clock
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize