when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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