So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you will always have a special place in my vag
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You were trust falling into bushes
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
