Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
