i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
